Wow, it had been nearly a year since I last posted something. So much life here on lavendar lane has been, well, lavendary.
Sigh. Today is Paul's birthday. He is now 5. My precious little Paul. He's my best little Paul, I say to him every night. He replies, "you are my best mommy"
So today I had a party for him. A lego party. It was lots of fun. 21 kids were there and 5 other moms. Nutty, but fun.
I am just so tired I can hardly stand it. Have you ever been so tired that you want to cry? Late night last night, really early to rise today and I've been running at a steady 90 mph all day long. I'm just so tired. I fully realize that I did this of my own accord, but still... I purposefully put supper on the table earlier than usual tonight so the kids would be in bed earlier. I read a book for each child, said prayers, hugs kisses, goodnight, I love you - the whole bit. And wouldncha know it all four are still wide awake and oh I just heard Benjamin roaming around the house calling for me. It is 9:45 at night. I am sitting outside on the front porch listening to the most wonderful summer night sounds and watching the soft golden twinkles of the fireflies. Yes, in theory this sounds serene, but right this minute I am hearing my precious little curly topped 2 year old calling, "Mommy? Mommy!! Are you?!?!" I'm not gonna lie, I feel like taking this here laptop and throwing it down on the patio, storming inside and picking up this offspring of mine and literally throwing him in the bed!
Deep breath.
I listen. No sounds of Ben Ben. Maybe he went back to bed. Maybe he is in my bathroom putting his chubby little fingers in my overpriced night renewing serum. (Which he has done before many times) Maybe he is in the playroom quietly playing with his older brothers lego structures that took Eric a fortnight to build. (Again, he's been there done that) Wherever he is, it doesn't matter because I should respond to him in the same way. With kindess, gentleness, goodness, patience and joyfully.
Easier said than done. Heck, reading what the fruits of the spirit are is just that - letting my eyes see the words and then my brain comprehends the meaning of these words that are put together in their specific order. But living them? Oh, Jesus help me. Do I even have the Spirit in me???, because there is NO sign of joy, peace, patience (for shizzle none of that!), kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.
But there is love. Love. That is the first in the list of the fruit of the spirit. Love.
I look into the faces of these offspring and I breathe and count. Self-control this is, because there is a fleeting thought that runs through my mind as I want to take these offspring of mine and drop-kick them.
After that couting time and a big deep breath, these little faces before me are gifts. They are precious gifts with souls that can never die. Not just offspring that I must teach to obey, but gifts to enjoy. Why did God make me? I think it was because He wanted to and He enjoys us.
So yes, I do have the Holy Spririt in me because there is love. I look into the eyes of these precious little children and I am so in love with them. This encourages me because if there is love, then there are those other things, too.
Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Another big deep breath. Happy birthday to Paul, I really do LOVE you.
Sigh. Today is Paul's birthday. He is now 5. My precious little Paul. He's my best little Paul, I say to him every night. He replies, "you are my best mommy"
So today I had a party for him. A lego party. It was lots of fun. 21 kids were there and 5 other moms. Nutty, but fun.
I am just so tired I can hardly stand it. Have you ever been so tired that you want to cry? Late night last night, really early to rise today and I've been running at a steady 90 mph all day long. I'm just so tired. I fully realize that I did this of my own accord, but still... I purposefully put supper on the table earlier than usual tonight so the kids would be in bed earlier. I read a book for each child, said prayers, hugs kisses, goodnight, I love you - the whole bit. And wouldncha know it all four are still wide awake and oh I just heard Benjamin roaming around the house calling for me. It is 9:45 at night. I am sitting outside on the front porch listening to the most wonderful summer night sounds and watching the soft golden twinkles of the fireflies. Yes, in theory this sounds serene, but right this minute I am hearing my precious little curly topped 2 year old calling, "Mommy? Mommy!! Are you?!?!" I'm not gonna lie, I feel like taking this here laptop and throwing it down on the patio, storming inside and picking up this offspring of mine and literally throwing him in the bed!
Deep breath.
I listen. No sounds of Ben Ben. Maybe he went back to bed. Maybe he is in my bathroom putting his chubby little fingers in my overpriced night renewing serum. (Which he has done before many times) Maybe he is in the playroom quietly playing with his older brothers lego structures that took Eric a fortnight to build. (Again, he's been there done that) Wherever he is, it doesn't matter because I should respond to him in the same way. With kindess, gentleness, goodness, patience and joyfully.
Easier said than done. Heck, reading what the fruits of the spirit are is just that - letting my eyes see the words and then my brain comprehends the meaning of these words that are put together in their specific order. But living them? Oh, Jesus help me. Do I even have the Spirit in me???, because there is NO sign of joy, peace, patience (for shizzle none of that!), kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.
But there is love. Love. That is the first in the list of the fruit of the spirit. Love.
I look into the faces of these offspring and I breathe and count. Self-control this is, because there is a fleeting thought that runs through my mind as I want to take these offspring of mine and drop-kick them.
After that couting time and a big deep breath, these little faces before me are gifts. They are precious gifts with souls that can never die. Not just offspring that I must teach to obey, but gifts to enjoy. Why did God make me? I think it was because He wanted to and He enjoys us.
So yes, I do have the Holy Spririt in me because there is love. I look into the eyes of these precious little children and I am so in love with them. This encourages me because if there is love, then there are those other things, too.
Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Another big deep breath. Happy birthday to Paul, I really do LOVE you.
