So I hung Christmas lights today. I got out our huge ladder and hung the icicle Christmas lights from the roof to trim the house. I thought only men did that when I was growing up, but I am married to a busy doctor type so I have done a lot of things on my own, now add hanging Christmas lights to that list. I must say it looks good. Props to my neighbor Jared for helping when I had to stop to nurse Baby Benjamin. I just want my house to look 'Christmasy'. I want the inside to be clean, picked up and cutesy decorated. So I spend too much time away from the things that matter and put my mind to making my house look like a magazine home.
And then I hear a still, small voice inside my soul
It's not about your house
Moving on... which is what I did. Tomorrow my husband and I are going to a work Christmas party. It is at some super swanky, fancy, high class country club, the likes of which I am SO not classy enough for. So WHAT on EARTH am I going to wear!!!!?????? Do you realize that I am 5 weeks post partum? The only thing Christmas partyish about this body is my mid section because it resembles that of Santa's. It shakes when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly. Core muscles - What are they? I want to look nice and not be an embarrassment to my husband, but when am I going to get out and shop for something suitable to wear?
Yesterday Tim got off early (2:30pm) and came on home! He graciously offered to be in charge of the kids whilst I go search the stores for a dress, a bra that fits (this by the way is VERY key), some shoes and some jewels. Here was the plan - and I was getting rather excited I might add. He would get home, I would nurse the baby, make sure all was set with the other kids then leave. Well, that did not happen. Some pals from Tim's work were going to happy hour at a local hang out and they invited Tim. He went (with my blessing, yes) with the intention to build relationships with these guys and share Christ with them. I would shop later. The malls are open until 11pm and I could go later on and let him do bed time with kids (even better ;-). Hours later he called asking me to pray for the guy that he was hanging out with. We didn't speak long. Just long enough to say that this guy was going through a tough time and Tim wanted to minister to him and be a witness for Jesus.
I totally faked cheerfulness. He profusely apologized and I faked a cheery disposition as I told him that I was proud of him for being Christ's witness to this lost soul and that I would pray for their conversation. Totally faked it. I hung up and I cried. I was so disappointed because I REALLY wanted to go shopping.
And then I hear a still, small voice inside my soul
It's not about your clothes
So, here I am. After a few very, very long single mom days I sit and I am ready to listen to this still, small voice.
It is about glorifying Me.
"Consider the lilies of the field. Yet, Solomon in all his glory was not clothed as such as these. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added"
Big sigh. It's not about my house. It's not about what I wear. So I sit here, asking for His forgiveness, earnestly praying for Tim and this guy that he really wants to help, and choosing to look past the messy house and jelly belly to the everlasting reality of God's love.
For I so Loved this world, that I sent my one and only SON [as a humble tiny baby] that whosoever believe in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.
"That's what Christmas is all about, Tara McIlrath"
