Christmas time is here

I love this picture because I think it represents my two children perfectly. Eric doing the non-prompted-by-mommy Vanna White thing because he is just so proud of his masterpiece. He likes to work on all kinds of stuff and be good at whatever he does. Be it kicking a soccer ball, jumping on the trampoline or putting a gingerbread house together. He has to do it well. Like father like son. Amy, on the other hand, wants in on all the action, but may not want to spend the time it takes to get the job done right. Here she is, giving us her quintessential pirate smile as we like to call it, and making her presence known. Nevertheless, she didn't do much but eat the candy when it came to assembling this gingerbread house.

Life here in Knoxville is fun. We are enjoying the Christmas season and all things Christmas here in K-town. The day after Thanksgiving we went downtown to go ice skating at this temporary ice rink in the middle of the square. Eric REALLY wanted to go and since Tim doesn't ice skate

and I am pregnant, it was decided that I would go and take our 42 pound son on the cold, slippery rink of fun! Seriously, I did want to go and we had fun. NOt one fall, either!

In just a few short weeks, this ice rink will be torn down and remain down unitl next year's holiday season. So we are taking advantage of all there is to do and see around town. Being the new kids in town, we are wide-eyed awed with pretty much everything we experience. Yes, being a 'foreigner' has its perks. Nevertheless, I do miss Christmas time stuff in Phoenix - believe it or not. I miss the lights on the houses. People here just don't do the crazy lights on the houses thing. They may put out a wreath, but that is about it. Simple is good, I remind myself, and just because someone doesn't put up 10,000 strings of tacky lights all over thier house does not mean they have any less Christmas spirit.

Tara, Tara (as I hear Jesus say) it isn't about what my house looks like or what kind of food I prepare, it is about sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to what HE has to say. This time is about preparing for the coming of a KING. Women who are pregnant anticipate the coming of their babies by preparing a nursery, buying or making clothes and blankets, taking care of their bodies, reading books, resting while feeling the baby kick inside of them. How must I prepare for this baby Jesus? What should I do to prepare room for HIM? I must stop and rest and feel His kicking, for He is alive and coming again.

"Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God."

I hope this Christmas season is about connecting more with Christ Jesus. I pray that you, too will stop to rest and 'feel His kicking' as you anticipate the arrival of this King of Kings.

Musings of a parent who doesn't know what she is doing

"You are my best friend"

Eric said that to me the other day when I was buckling him into his carseat. He was so sincere and the sweet look that was on his face when he said that was precious. I treasure these times as a parent. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, I think he just wanted to tell me his thoughts.

A few days later I would not let him get his way, and I dont think he saw me in quite the same light. Somedays I am a friend to him, somedays I am more "not very fun".

Parenting is quite a challenge and to those of us who really care and want to do right by our kids feel like we are failing miserably. We read books and listen to the tapes and when it seems like we get into sort of a rhythm, the floor falls out from under us and we have to totally reassess and remind ourselves that we have no idea of what we are doing. Well, at least that is what I do. Then I am reminded of The Perfect Parent. "I leave you My Peace which passes all understanding" "I am not a God of confusion, but of peace", "I will never leave you or forsake you." God our heavenly Father may not keep us from trials, but He does promise that He will be with us through them all.

The other day when Eric was kicking and screaming in Target, no less, and I did not know what to do or how to handle the situation, I just took a deep breath and prayed, "Lord, please give me the wisdom and peace to walk through this moment". Then lightning came down and wrote a magnificent solution on the wall and Eric instantly corrected his behaviour!!! Well, not exactly. I did have the assurance that I was not alone and when I look to the mountains...where does my help come from... it comes from the Lord. I will receive help from Him.

I rest assured that although I will make big parenting blunders, I know that God is big enough to spare my children from my humanness and build them up to be great men and women nonetheless.

Sometimes Eric kicks and screams in Target or the grocery store and my blood pressure rises and then sometimes he tells me that I am his best friend and my heart expands to overflowing.

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Eric, King of the Pumpkin Patch!

Amy, can you say Gord?

We have been enjoying the REAL Autumn here in Knoxville! My sister, Kristin came for a visit. This is at the Wear Valley Farmer's Market.

This post doesn't have a lot of inspirational words to add to your life, not that my other posts are loaded with wisdom. At any rate, we are well and enjoying life.

Cotton candy, Funnel Cakes and Carnies!!!!!

Y'all guess what? I took my kids to the Tennessee Valley Fair today. (Thanks Karen for the idea) The atmosphere was your typical fair complete with the melange of rides, carnival games, and food stands packed with meat products, flour, sugar and fat. Yummy! All with an East Tennessee country mountain flair!

Eric had never seen such a sight and he was a little apprehensive at first, but as soon as he saw some big boys get on The Spider and we watched them swirl around about a thousand times, he said " Mommy I want to do that"

Here we go.

"Eric, you are still a little boy (even though I tell him he is a 'big boy' all the time) and you are just not tall enough to go on this ride. Let's go over to the little kid area" So we did and he rode on three rides. The first ride - OH I wish I captured it on film- was the bee ride. It had the center pole and all of the 'bees' came out of it like spokes. The bees go up and down while rotating around the center pole. So, we stand him up against the height requirement pole and he meets the minimum. I give him his tickets which he proceeds to give to the ride operator. As an aside, this ride operator was the quintessential carnie! This guy had a long pony tail, a gaping whole in the front of his mouth where the two front teeth used to be and the remaining teeth he did have weren't that great to look at anyway. He even had an "I love mom" tatoo!!! Sweet. Well, I cannot go because I am too big, plus, I have Amy with me and she can't go because she is too small. I realized that I am about to enter into a mothering rite of passage-- entrusting my precious first born to a toothless carnie who loves his mother. The carnie helps him into the closest bee and buckles him in.
"Eric is such a big boy" I think. "There he goes riding his first carnival ride all by himself"
Sniff sniff
The ride starts and up goes Eric's bee. I wouldn't say he was petrified, but I wouldn't say he was all smiles either. He went around three times before I saw any change of movement from his statuesque body. And the change I saw was a slight smile and flick of a finger that closely resembled the beginning of a wave.
So here is Mom, waving like crazy as he goes around while thinking about how big my baby is. At the end of the ride, he was waving and smiling. Oh, what fun. I wish you could have seen him.

The next two rides were the trains and boats. Not as eventful, but at least Amy got to ride with Eric on the boats which by the way were not in water. They were just on a track that has a slight up and down genre. Amy cried because she wanted to go with big brother. So I went and put her in the boat next to him and walked to the gate. She then cried the whole time.

What a day. We did make it over to the Home Centered Craft Expo hall so I could check out the quilts. :-) I looked at them in peace while the kids were content to sit in the double stroller while eating some award winning homemade choco chip cookies. #14 you get a blue ribbon from me and my kids!! Your cookies were great.

Eric passed out on the way home and went straight to bed. It does kind of gross me out that Eric didn't get a bath, but I was SURE that he did wash hands before getting into our car. Amy, on the other hand, was on a post fair high and didn't settle down until 9:30 even though we got home at 8.

Sigh, so now here I am, reliving the sights (carnies, lots of overweight southerners, and 4H sheep) sounds ("mommy, I want to do that" and "yall cut that out or I'm on whup ya") and smells (flour sugar fried in hot fat and cigarette smoke) of the famous Tennesse Valley Fair. Hope you have a great day! We Luv Ya, Yall! Bye bye

Not many people wear orange well...

Accept if you live in the great Rocky Top state of Tennessee! You bleed orange. Today is September 1st, Labor Day and the first game day of the University of Tennessee Vols. (Volunteers for those of you out-of-staters) Everybody and I mean everybody including babies and dogs, had some sort of orange UT garb on today. I have never seen so much orange in all my life. I went to the grocery store and this cute little four month old had on an orange onsie and matching "I'm a little Vol" bib.
This is Tennessee at it's finest, folks.
Nevertheless, I was the only person in the entire Food City who was not wearing something that was either orange or had a UT logo on it. I felt a little out of place. But here is the kicker... the game is an away game and still people are gathering around the campus to watch the big game at sports bars and such.

Thus is my intro to Tennessee football. Other than that, life is pretty good here. Amy is still not sleeping through the night, Eric likes to drop his trousers and poop in our backyard just like the dogs, and I am trying to figure out what shade of orange I will look somewhat decent in for next game day.

Life is biz-ay

This is a picture of us in front of our new house. Life is good here. It was a scorching 83 degrees at high noon today. I prayed for all of my precious friends and family in Phoenix who by now are starting to feel like a potato chip. This time last summer, I used up an entire 32 oz bottle of Jergens lotion and one thing of baby sunscreen.

This is Eric cutting our grass. I am standing on our back deck overlooking our huge lot and amazed that a child so young could do such a great job on the lawn. He was actually pausing to pee here. Oh to be a boy.

We have had the priviledge of having lots of visitors in our month and a half here. My mom was here for the whole month of July, then my dad joined us for a few days late in the month. My brother Bradley, sister-in-law Manuela and nephew Lukas came and stayed for about 11 days and we had a blast.

Last Thursday we had an old friend, Bill with us for a night. He was here from Arizona. Then lastly, we had some good friends from Atlanta come and stay last weekend.

Needless to say, life has been busy. As you can tell, I am not very inspired to be pensive or super deep. I'll come back when I get some rest.

Bye y'all

Hey Y'all

We have arrived in the land of sweet tea, Dollywood and lightin' bugs. What an adventure! We landed on a Tuesday and Tim was there to welcome us to our new home. Driving from the airport to my house that I had yet to see was sort of wierd. I am looking out the window thinking...

I am going to spend the next three years of my life here in this city. I might have another baby here. I don't know anybody. All of my worldly belongings are in boxes in a house that I have never seen before. My children are going to say "y'all". I don't know anybody.

Well we drove up to our home and it is cute!!! Tim did a great job of picking out a house that will fit our needs well. Please forgive me, but I will have pictures up soon. He had unpacked a bunch of the kitchen stuff, a box with sheets and towels and that was about it. So each room had a stack of boxes in it just waiting to be unpacked.

We, I say we, but it was mostly my mom who did the unpacking and things are finding a home in our new home. There is still a huge pile of pictures that we have yet to hang. Maybe they will get hung and maybe they won't.

Tim's job is going well. He has to be at work at 6AM every morning for lecture then surgery starts around 7. He has been enjoying being in the OR (operating room) and learning a lot. I couldn't tell you much else about his work because he comes home so tired that he doesn't really feel like talking about it. This getting up a 5 thing has really been hard on him. So we are having to get to bed MUCH earlier.

Well, he is at least.

As you can tell, I am entering this post at 11:30 at night when I seem to have the second wind. At any rate, life is going along well here and there will be much more to report in a few more months. I'll post again soon, but until then...

Yall come visit now, ya hear!

Hey Mom, There's a Monkey in my Pants!

The other night, Eric and I were in his room playing before bedtime. He had gotten all of his stuffed animals out and they were conversing with one another. Then he reached for his sock monkey and was swinging it around and laughing as he threw it up in the air only to land on my head. Then, as only little two-year old boys do, he thought to put the sock monkey in his pants. He turned around to face me and said with a smile, "look Mommy, I have a monkey in my pants"

Oh, if he only knew.

That was one of the last nights in our sweet little house on Alice Avenue. Now that sock monkey is in a box sitting in our new home in Knoxville, Tn. I am sad when I think about leaving. It is a loss and I have accepted it as that. Many people ask me how I am doing and how the move is going and I respond with honesty and sometimes I cry. I think it is important to take one moment at a time and to give honor to each moment. To give honor means to give weight, value, worth, respect. I am experiencing a loss. So I allow myself to live in that moment and honor it for what it is. Then, the next moment might be a time when I think to the future and I honor the joy that will be experienced in Knoxville. I am not faking my feelings or covering over something. I honestly believe that we will grow closer as a family and Tim and I will grow in our marriage. So as I write, I am just all over the court with feelings of sorrow and feelings of joy, giving honor to all and allowing myself the freedom to just be in the moment.

Thanks for reading this and for listening to me. I know that you have allowed me to just be and for that, my friend I am ever grateful. I look forward to keeping in touch across the miles and sharing more precious stories about pants and monkeys.
We will have many more memories to make of talking stuffed animals, and other interesting items placed in Eric's pants.

Pomp and Circumstance(s)

Under the circumstances, things went well.
What circumstances? Read on and see...
Circumstance number 1. Mary graduates
I was sincerely excited to be with all of my husband's McIlrath clan to celebrate Tim's sister, Mary's graduation from the University of Southern California. Nevertheless, traveling from Phoenix to LA with a two year old and an 11 month old was not going to be some small event. Days in advance I was doing laundry and making mental lists of what needed to be going with us...mostly to ensure a solid night's sleep for the two wee ones. Thursday morning arrives and I am feeling extremely guilty as I pack up the car because my children's eyes have been glued to the TV for an hour watching Elmo, Clifford, and Caillou. So much for my pre-child mantra of "not EVER letting my children watch that evil picture box".
Well, the car is all packed and we have empty bladders and are ready to go. That leads me to circumstance number 2. Close on the house
Yes, we had to close on our house in Knoxville that very Thursday morning. Some date that the sellers set, but we agreed to it not thinking that it was the very day we had to leave for California. Luckily, my very on-the-ball husband had all of his ducks in a row for the closing and got as much done as possible before hand so all we had to do was go to the title agency, sign a ton of stuff and then she would make the call to the seller's attorney and bam we have a house. Well, we did just that. Bam! we are now homeowners of a quaint 4 bedroom 3 bath house in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Circumstance number 3. saying goodbye
I must remember that when I say goodbye, there is bound to be a hello coming. Yin and yang. Up and down. Mary said goodbye to her undergraduate college years, but maybe she will say a hello to grad work someday soon. We had a lovely time in California with the family and they loved being with us. I take that back - they LOVED being with Eric and Amy. We had to say goodbye after a wonderful visit, but I am looking forward to this summer when we will say hello to another visit. And I know that I must say goodbye to Phoenix and all of my dear ones here, but there will come a hello.

Families, issues and butterflies

My sister Kristin with Bebo the kitty

Eric and Amy last month Me and my brother, Brad circa 1980

Family. Siblings. They enrich our lives more than we will ever know. I have just recently come home from dinner at my folks house and we had an interesting conversation about family matters. I can't speak for you and your family, but I know that my family has issues. I have issues. And the way that each of us processes those issues is as different as night and day. You see, we all face challenges and trials in our daily lives. That is totally the way life is and most of us accept that for ourselves. But when I see a loved one going through a difficult time, I want to step in and help. I want that person to know how bright, capable, and wonderful they are and how he/she is going to make a wonderful mark in this world. I want to fix the problem by giving money or time or advice. The bottom line is that I love them and I want them to be happy and healthy. So in comes Tara with her bucket of fix it water. After all, I am 32 and I have it all together, right?! (That is total sarcasm by the way) My mother, the most wonderful woman to walk the face of the earth, has learned a lesson or two about life and she says that sometimes the best thing is to trust in God, pray for our loved one with every breath we take, then step back out of the way and wait to see the beautiful butterfly emerge from the chrysalis of the present.

Pray and wait. Easier said than done.

The hardest thing to do is just to sit back and watch that loved one flail around treading water when help is just an arm's length away. But as my wise mom says, sometimes the best most motivating thing to give is not advice, but admiration. "You can do it. You are smart, capable and wonderful" Sometimes the best and most motivating thing to do is to listen instead of lecture. And all of the time the best thing to do is pray and trust God. He loves my family members more than I do. Heck, HE got me out of a pit of despair and I know HE loves him/her more that I do.

So, I will wait. I wait with certainty that out of the chrysalis of silence a beautiful butterfly will emerge and will take off to fly with strength and live the life that God has truly intended her to live.

Spring Fever

I haven't posted anything for quite sometime. For starters, it has been lovely here in Phoenix and we have been outside a lot enjoying the spring weather and so when we are inside, my time on the computer is limited. Springtime in Phoenix is glorious. It seems like all the citrus trees in the area converge on a specific blooming week, thus filling the atmosphere with its sweet intoxicating fragrance. When the scent of an orange blossom wafts into your nostrils, you are suddenly overcome with peace and tinglys all at the same time. It is a pleasantly beautiful aroma that seals my springtime experience.

Tonight I traveled a whopping 30 paces to my across-the-street neighbors's home to the annual spring block party. I just LOVE this street. It was like stepping back in time. You see, this neighborhood has been here since the mid fifties and some of the folks who live in the houses are the original owners. Take the block party hosts, Lyle and Arlene for example. They are now in their early 70's and have lived in thier house for over 40 years. Can you imagine living in the same home for that long? For young thirtysomething kids like me and my husband, that seems like a has been reality of yesteryear never to be a reality for us. We were the second folks to arrive at the party. The first people there had known Lyle and Arlene for 33 years because that is how long they have lived in their house which is six houses down from us. As the evening progressed, more folks from our street came down with their covered dishes to add. It was so comforting to see these folks connect with one another and actually exchange meaningful conversation as opposed to the obligatory hello wave that comes when we drive by. I learned that some of these neighbors have been coming to this annual spring block party for over 30 years.
I love that.
I could see us living here for years and when Lyle and Arlene aren't able to host the block party anymore we would then step up and continue the tradition. But alas, we are moving away in a few months.
Okay, I am getting depressed so I am not going to dwell on that. This springtime evening was precious and I will treasure it. I will also learn from this community. I am going to try my best to foster a friendly community wherever we end up. Maybe my first block party will be a flop, but heck if I keep it up for 30 years, who knows what kind of relationships will be formed. Happy Springtime, everyone!

The Joy is in the Journey

Some exciting things are afoot at the McIlrath home. Amy is officially crawling! Lookout world here she crawls. She just loves this newfound way of exploring her surroundings. It is so fascinating to watch her and one can almost see the smoke coming out of here ears as a result of the wheels spinning in that little brain of hers. She laughs and squeals when she crawls, too. I think its because she is just so excited to be moving toward something that is interesting to her. Take last night for example...she crawled from our family room all the way into the kitchen. Then she proceded to explore this wonderful new object called the dog water bowl. To us, it is a plain ordinary bowl that holds water for the dogs and gets in my way. Well to her, it was a vast ocean on new sensations. She cautiously began to reach her hand out to touch it. Then she sort of hit the rim over and over. Then, once confident that this is truly an object worth more exploration, she began to hit the water in it an splash it all around. Eventually she was soaking wet and so was the floor. The funniest thing was when she crawled away leaving a wet trail of water behind her.
The floor needed a good mopping.
The other new thing worth mentioning is that I am an official beginner quilter! I finished my first quilt top last night and I LOVE IT! After that last stitch was made, I held up my finished creation of evenly cut squares of color and smiled a proud smile. I didn't know I could do that sort of thing. Even though that one moment of satisfaction was indeed real, the true joy came from the process of making that quilt top. I am a part of a little beginner quilting class that meets in the home of a dear friend. It is just a few of us from my church, but we are loving learning together and being together. Three hours can fly by and seem like minutes when you are creating something along side other precious women who also have the gift of gab sewing. (that is talking and sewing at the same time)
I think I was born a century too late because I would have LOVED to be a pioneer woman who, apart from the daily grind of running a family on the prairie, would have been a part of a quilting circle. I can totally understand the whole quilting circle concept and how necessary that was in so many different ways.
I will eventually give this quilt away and I hope that the receiver will love it. But you know what; it really doesn't matter. The recipient could just fold it up and keep it hidden in her closet forever and it wouldn't matter to me. The joy was in the making of it. I have better friendships, I have learned a skill and I had some good clean fun in making this quilt.
My little Amy crawls around squealing and laughing at the fact that she is simply not sitting anymore. She loves her little journeys around down the hall.

Yes, we all have our destinations we want to get to and goals we want to achieve. There will be a moment of satisfaction as we hold up our 'quilt' and smile that proud smile. Nevertheless, remember there is joy in the journey. It may take some effort to find it, but it is there. I hope you will join me in taking the advice from my 8 month old and be joyful in my journey and not forget to squeal and laugh along the way.

Places to be, planes and pee pee potty

An entire month has gone by and I haven't been on the internet very much to check my email let alone write a post for this blog. Now that the dust has settled and the last load of laundry has been folded, I thought I'd share a few highlights of the last month. We were in Jacksonville Beach, Florida for two weeks at Christmas then we were at home for a week before we headed off to Nashville, Tennessee for a wedding. Our trip to Florida was really great on the whole. Nonetheless we did have our challenges. Mainly the plane trip back was the largest of all mishaps.
Picture this... a precious 7 month old baby girl, happy, yet a leaky faucet of mucous and a 28 month old little boy full of energy and a sippy cup of apple juice, and lastly a frazzled mother who is trying to keep it together despite the circumstances. We are ready to board the plane after a long two weeks away from home and daddy. As we get on the plane and the flight attendants are always kind and cheerful to us, but the looks and comments I get from the folks in first class - well, I just smile and shake it off. "My you're brave to be traveling with those little ones" or "This is gonna be a long flight". The whole flight from Jax to Dallas was fine and uneventful, but the flight from Dallas to Phx - Oh, Lord RAPTURE me now. Eric was exhausted and so was Amy, but yet no sleep came to either. Well, finally the voice of the captain came over the intercom and I was never so glad to hear the words "flight attendants, prepare the cabin for arrival".
As we gather ourselves a few moments later I hear, "Mommy, pee pee potty"

Great.

Eric starts doing the pee pee potty dance and kept saying with panic in his voice, "mommy pee pee potty, pee pee potty". As the scene unfolds, the lady sitting across the aisle from me obviously sees my distress and offers to help. I have no idea who she is, but I thrust Amy into her arms and say "she is a happy baby, here - have fun holding her" and I sweep Eric up into my arms and we rush down the aisle to the lavaratory. No sooner did we get there the flight attendant says "I'm sorry, but the captain requires that all passengers must be in thier seatbelts... the landing gear is already out". Look lady, you don't understand, Eric has to go PEE PEE POTTY NOW!!!!!! I reluctantly sat down in the empty seat right in front of the bathroom with Eric in my lap and we buckled in. By this time almost everyone in the back half of the plane knew without a doubt that Eric had to go pee pee potty really bad and they were all wondering the same thing... will he make it?

Yes, he made it. Whew! We landed and the flight attendant let us get up and go pee pee potty before the captain turned off the seat belt sign. Walking back to my seat, I remembered that I left my baby with a total stranger and I was hoping that the landing went okay for them both. Luckily, it did and Amy didn't cry upon landing. In fact, she seemed more happy to be with this lady than with me.

Well, after that wonderful episode, I was extremely reluctant to get back on a plane ever again, but alas we boarded a plane again in order to attend the wedding of a friend. The Lord heard my unspoken prayers and the kids slept most of the four hours to Nashville!!!

So we have been back home now for about a week and it sure is nice. Eric is totally into his toys like they were brand new and that is a good thing because it's been kind of cold and rainy here.

May the new year bring fun and joy to you all. And a word to the wise... go pee pee potty when you have the urge and don't wait until the plane is landing