Made for the moment

Home alone. I am in my house all by myself for the next three hours. Weird. I am used to having little ones about making noise and making mess. Yesterday I was looking forward to having a break without kids and now I am wondering why I was so rushed to get them out of the house. I had this enormous list of things to do while they are in school and now I do not feel like getting to even number one. That stuff doesn't matter. I think I was made for motherhood.

Made to have somewhat of a squishy body so that my children will feel all warm and cozy when they snuggle up to me.

Made to smile at their cuteness even though to some their smile may seem mischievous.

Made to enjoy the sounds of little voices playing, jabbering - heck even screaming - because that means that they are alive.

Now that they are not around I realize what a gift these little ones are. So, here I am with a bit of a new perspective on motherhood. It is really just a moment in time. And I was made for this moment. I won't be so quick to yearn for 'time off' of mothering. It's my moment for motherhood. Embrace it! Embrace them!

All too soon this life shall pass and only what's done for Christ will last.

Maybe why I procrastinate...

“…a habit of procrastination indicates a worship problem: an unwillingness to do the work that God has appointed for us, or an inability to discern what he has given us and what he has not. The procrastinator loves to hoard her time for herself rather than work diligently in it on the errands and tasks God gives her. She would rather blame the chaos outside of her than the chaos in her heart.”

–Staci Eastin in The Organized Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Conquering Chaos (Cruciform Press, 2011)

Fewer things

I can think of fewer things better than a baby kicking me from the inside. As I write, there is a 27 week old little boy moving around inside my womb. I liken his movements to a child engaged in a gymnastics class, golf lesson and a swim meet all rolled into one.

And I thought my older three were high energy.

At times I think I am too old for this. What have I gotten myself into!! I will have three boys and one princess to rear and it is no easy job, but it is a Joy! When I stop to really ponder the reality of this little human life growing, moving and moving and moving inside of me I am truly amazed. One cell from me and one cell from Tim to make one cell. Then that one cell multiplied and now has thousands upon thousands of cells already working together in a masterpiece of life.

I've stood atop fourteeners in Colorado at sunrise. Been to the sacred holy church in Ethiopia where the Ark of the Covenant is reported to be. I've experienced the unconditional warming acceptance of a family all the days of my life.

Even through all of this...

I can think of fewer things better than my baby boy kicking me from the inside.

God accepts me just as CHRIST is

The following is an excerpt from a blog that I read regularly. The content just changed me so much that I had to post it here. Really, really insightful.

“What happens to the Gospel when idolatry themes are not grasped? ‘God loves you’ typically becomes a tool to meet a need for self-esteem in people who feel like failures. The particular content of the Gospel of Jesus Christ—‘grace for sinners and deliverance for the sinned-against—is down-played or even twisted into ‘unconditional acceptance for the victims of others’ lack of acceptance.’ Where ‘the Gospel’ is shared, it comes across something like this: ‘God accepts you just as you are. God had unconditional love for you.’ This is not the biblical Gospel, however. . . .

“The Gospel is better than unconditional love. The Gospel says, ‘God accepts you just asChrist is. God has “contraconditional” love for you.’ Christ bears the curse you deserve. Christ is fully pleasing to the Father and gives you His own perfect goodness. Christ reigns in power, making you the Father’s child and coming close to you to begin to change what is unacceptable to God about you. God never accept me ‘as I am.’ He accepts me ‘as I am in Jesus Christ.’ The center of gravity is different. The true Gospel does not allow God’s love to be sucked into the vortex of the soul’s lust for acceptability and worth in and of itself. Rather, it radically decenters people—what the Bible calls ‘fear of the Lord’ and ‘faith’—to look outside ourselves.”

-David Powlison, “Idols of the Heart and ‘Vanity Fair,’” Journal of Biblical Counseling 13 (1995): 49.

I realize this may be a shocking statement to some. In a sense, I suppose it’s true to speak of God’s unconditional love in the sense that his love rests on us irrespective of what we deserve. But the wisdom of Powlison’s quote is to expose that “unconditional acceptance” can possibly mask a refusal to repent, a holding onto who I am and refusing what God offers me in Christ.

Guest Post by Eric Ortlund

He left the light on for me

It is midnight and I just walked in the door from being out at a prayer meeting with some precious girlfriends. It is a dark night and the light from my front porch was a comforting beacon of warmth and acceptance. It was as if I could audibly hear, "you belong here, we won't rest until you are safe within these walls, the light shines to show you in where you ought to be"

It is a big deal that the lights were on because the darkness was most certainly present upon my departure. My husband and I had not had the best evening in this journey of marital bliss and so after the kids were down and kitchen was clean I checked with him if anything else needed to be done and then I left. Cold and dark was my interaction with him. So in response to my earlier behavior upon leaving, I was more or less expecting a dark house when I drove up. But no, there was light.

There is forgiveness - he has forgiven me. There is acceptance - he accepts me for who I am. There is fellowship - I am his friend and he desires for us to spend time together. This is what the light represents to me.

"In HIM was life, and the life was the light of men. and the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:4-5

"This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in HIM is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with HIM, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."

1 John 1:5-7

I see these Bible verses in a totally new 'light'. I often just turn my back on God, walk away to go my own way and not face the reality of my wrongs. Eventually, I come back and when I do, I know HE is eager to welcome me in to where I truly belong because, well, He leaves the light on for me.

Lavender the herb of relaxation

I named this blog 'Lavender Lane' to be a bit sarcastic because there isn't much around me that smells like lavender. We just colored Easter eggs today and when my 5 year old Eric walked in the kitchen this afternoon he says,

"Why does is smell like a stinky in here!?!?"

I guess he isn't used to the smell of several cracked hard boiled eggs and vinegar.

He came home from school the other day so excited to tell me that one can recycle elephant poop to make paper! :-) Betcha didn't know that!!!

Amy says the CUTEST things. Here are some of my faves...

'My spy wif my little eye sumping is...'

'God Our Father, God Our Father, we fank you, we fank you. Many many blessings, many many blessings. Amen. Amen'

Precious Paul is giving me a run for it!!! 21 months going on 21 years!! The other day he wandered out of the house and by the time I discovered his presence was no longer under my feet he was in the middle of the church parking lot behind our house. These are his most frequently said words, 'Tain-tu, Biaper, Ou-sigh, cookie, cake and eeeat". The child never misses a meal and if you were to pick him up you would agree with me.

I am carrying our fourth child!!! 14 weeks along and the baby is due on his/her daddy's birthday which is October 19. We are hoping for a girl and Amy is quite sure that it is. We love Baby already and can't wait to meet it. I know there will be much more cute sayings, messy meals and lots of stinkys to come, but all in all... life here in Lavender Lane is...

Beautiful.

A Mother's Prayer Tears

Have you ever checked in on your children while they are in a deep sleep?

I just did. And my eyes are still wet with their outpouring of love that can't be explained in words. It is the middle of the night and I can't sleep. So I go in to check on my children and I am just brought to tears.

Can it be that these precious, beautiful children are begotten of me and Tim? These living, breathing, growing, thinking little human beings started from two tiny cells.

Why even now, there is one so small growing in my womb and yet so full of life that I am overjoyed at the mere thought of what this little one can bring to this earth.

Amazing! So amazing I am speechless, and the only 'thinking' comes from my eyes as they well up with tears only to fall on the bodies of these sleeping babes.

Prayer tears.

They contain my prayers for life and life abundant. Prayers that the Words of Christ would dwell in their hearts. Prayers for health, strength, long life, and that their faith may not fail.

"The prayers of the righteous availeth much" I am not sure where that is in the Bible, but it is there. I don't feel righteous and I certainly can point to some unrighteous behavior in my life, but I pray that my prayer tears for my children will availeth much.

A mother messes up a lot. At least this mother does...O, but to know , to KNOW that my prayer tears have not fallen in vain. My Father, the Creator Almighty in Heaven has heard them and has collected the tears.

After all, He made me to be a mother