Words that I don't ever want to say again

...I can't handle it...
...you need to...
...you are just like...
...hurry...


These are phrases I would like to completely eliminate from my vocabulary.  In my humble opinion, they don't really serve others or encourage others at all.  The middle two phrases especially are somewhat belittling and self-elivating.  As if I really know what someone else NEEDS to do.  I feel like I am elevating myself to be a god in the other's life.

The third phrase isn't quite right to say because each and every human being is different.  Sure we can be labeled as an extrovert or introvert, 'free spirit' or perfectionist, but to say that we are 'just like someone else' isn't entirely true.

We are just like sheep.

Seriously, we are just like sheep that have gone astray looking for greener grass.  We are just like sheep who are totally clueless to the reality that there indeed is a REAL shepherd watching over us, actively protecting us,  and always leading us to the BEST pasturers for a thriving life.  There is a God.  I believe with all my heart that there is ONE GOD, Father of ALL and HE IS REAL.  

This invisible supernatural all powerful GOD is good.  He not only made me and you, but HE loves me and you.

So what does this have to do with the aforementioned phrases at the beginning of this post? Well, to me, everything.  If HE indeed is Real and the Lord, the giver of life, then the life that I now live in the flesh is a life I can handle.  Everything that is in my life now - relationships with my kids, husband, sister, brother, parents, friends - is handle'able'.

...you need to... Well, that phrase may cross my mind, but I'm going to refrain from saying it, because the truth is that I really only hear what the Good Shephard is telling me to do.  I will trust in the fact that if He speaks to me and let's me know what I ought to do, then He will most certainly speak to you and I pray for you to have the courage to go forth with what you know to do.

...hurry...Boy, do I not like that word.  HURRY UP!!!! It's like someone yelling at me and telling me to be someone I'm not.  I feel like it's others imposing their opinions of how things should go, their personal time schedule upon me.

That is what I used to think.  But my thoughts have changed.  I put myself in the shoes of the one who was saying "hurry up" and I began to see a different perspective. The other person felt un- loved and unimportant.  That other person went so far as to say he felt invisible and sad.  Wow.   I desire to have healthy relationships and so I choose to respect the other person and be courteous.  I will be on time, because it is respectful and courteous and ultimately leads to a more healthy relationship with that friend.  I don't want to yell "HURRY UP!" at my kids and get everyone all stressed out.  I want to teach them about respect and courteousness and that these two qualities are important for maintaining healthy relationships.  I want to make every effort to show you that you are loved, you are important to me and that you are a real treasure in my life and not invisible.  That sometimes will mean waking up 10 minutes earlier or it may mean moving at a pace that may not at my preferred pace, but guess what -

You are worth it.

A God Who Glistens.

This is a glimpse of the world that I woke up to this morning.  It was sleeting all day yesterday and then the temperature has stayed below 20 degrees so that means lots of ice.  Each and every branch is encased in ice.  It makes the branches heavy and weighed down, so much so that branches break and trees break and cause damage to lots of man-made things like power lines.  

Yes, the ice that has surrounded almost everything can be a nuisance.  But look how the sun is just peaking over the house in the background.  It's hard to tell from the picture, but the ice laden trees in the background are glistening.  A rare treat for these eyes.  Soon the sun will be at a point in the sky that will make the branches in the foreground glisten like huge polished diamonds.  

Ice.  It's water that has been frozen.  Sometimes I feel stiff and unable to move.  I know I have been created to sway in the wind, and bend in all different directions, but when I am encased in ice, I barely breathe for fear of breaking.  

But then the sun comes out.

The SON.  

The sun shines on this ice encased me and causes me to glisten.  There is a beauty in this frozen state that I would not have experienced if it were always warm and cozy in my world.  

I went for a walk out in this glistening frozen wonderland because I know it won't last long.  The sun, as it has the power to make this icy world sparkle, it also has the power to melt away the ice, so I wanted to take lots of pictures, both in my mind and with my camera.  

The SON has the power to make me glisten under the weight of frozen water and in due time, has the power to melt away all the cold hard ice so that I can know true freedom.  

The LORD, maker of heaven and earth, is the God who Glistens.

No matter how tired, if there is love...

Wow, it had been nearly a year since I last posted something.  So much life here on lavendar lane has been, well, lavendary.

Sigh.  Today is Paul's birthday.  He is now 5.  My precious little Paul.  He's my best little Paul, I say to him every night.  He replies, "you are my best mommy"

So today I had a party for him.  A lego party.  It was lots of fun.  21 kids were there and 5 other moms. Nutty, but fun.

I am just so tired I can hardly stand it.  Have you ever been so tired that you want to cry? Late night last night, really early to rise today and I've been running at a steady 90 mph all day long.  I'm just so tired. I fully realize that I did this of my own accord, but still...   I purposefully put supper on the table earlier than usual tonight so the kids would be in bed earlier.  I read a book for each child, said prayers, hugs kisses, goodnight, I love you - the whole bit.  And wouldncha know it all four are still wide awake and oh I just heard Benjamin roaming around the house calling for me.  It is 9:45 at night.  I am sitting outside on the front porch listening to the most wonderful summer night sounds and watching the soft golden twinkles of the fireflies.  Yes, in theory this sounds serene, but right this minute I am hearing my precious little curly topped 2 year old calling, "Mommy? Mommy!! Are you?!?!" I'm not gonna lie, I feel like taking this here laptop and throwing it down on the patio, storming inside and picking up this offspring of mine and literally throwing him in the bed!

Deep breath.

I listen.  No sounds of Ben Ben.  Maybe he went back to bed.  Maybe he is in my bathroom putting his chubby little fingers in my overpriced night renewing serum. (Which he has done before many times) Maybe he is in the playroom quietly playing with his older brothers lego structures that took Eric a fortnight to build.  (Again, he's been there done that) Wherever he is, it doesn't matter because I should respond to him in the same way.  With kindess, gentleness, goodness, patience and joyfully.

Easier said than done.  Heck, reading what the fruits of the spirit are is just that - letting my eyes see the words and then my brain comprehends the meaning of these words that are put together in their specific order.  But living them?  Oh, Jesus help me.  Do I even have the Spirit in me???, because there is NO sign of joy, peace, patience (for shizzle none of that!), kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness.

But there is love.  Love.  That is the first in the list of the fruit of the spirit.  Love.

I look into the faces of these offspring and I breathe and count.  Self-control this is, because there is a fleeting thought that runs through my mind as I want to take these offspring of mine and drop-kick them.

After that couting time and a big deep breath, these little faces before me are gifts.  They are precious gifts with souls that can never die.  Not just offspring that I must teach to obey, but gifts to enjoy.  Why did God make me?  I think it was because He wanted to and He enjoys us.

So yes, I do have the Holy Spririt in me because there is love.  I look into the eyes of these precious little children and I am so in love with them.  This encourages me because if there is love, then there are those other things, too.

Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

Another big deep breath.  Happy birthday to Paul, I really do LOVE you.

I found Minja right in front of the playset

Eric holding Minja

Minja came to live with us 8 days ago.  We were all in the backyard playing when I looked down and there in the middle of the grass was a little baby box turtle.  I immediately called the kids over to me and we all took turns holding this wonderful little creature.  My resourceful little Amy found a box to put the turtle in while Eric and Paul looked around for decor and food sources to place in the box.  After the turtle was in its new home for a few hours we finally came up with a name.  Well, Paul came up with it.  

MINJA

After the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  But Paul doesn't say 'ninja', he says 'minja'.  Why just the other day he said that he wanted to be a 'minja' for Halloween.  So that's how Minja got its name.  Eric and Amy call it 'Ninja' because I guess they don't see Paul's sayings in the same way I do.  

We fed Minja grass and tomatoes, but I never saw it eat.  After being with us for 8 days we decided it was time to let it go.  But before we did, Amy took some nail polish and wrote her initials on its shell.  So if you ever see a standard box turtle with ACM painted in metallic turquoise on its shell, then by all means get out your iphone and take a picture, give it some love and call us.  

We love you, MINJA.  You will always have a home here...

Official release into our side hydrangea bed

ACM in metallic turquoise nail polish.  We love you, Minja!

True hospitality

We moved into this big ol beautiful house exactly one year ago.  I remember thinking about all of the wonderful times we would experience together.  The huge family holidays, lots of birthday parties, summer cook-outs, and on and on.  I asked God to teach me hospitality.  I asked Him to help me be a good hostess.  

When we go to other folks' homes for supper or a party, I notice things like how a table is set and how the home is decorated.  I totally notice the food that the host has prepared and how it is served.  How is the furniture arranged for optimum flow of traffic?  where are the drinks in relation to the food?  How present is the hostess in conversing with her guests?  I notice all of that stuff.  

Well, we have lots of people staying in this house right now and they are exhausted.  They don't care about the flow of traffic or how the flowers are arranged.  They are broken.  They need a hostess who knows what it is to be broken.  They are hungry.  They need a hostess to has strong arms to hold them and empty shoulders to cry on.  They need Jesus.  I have been given a glorious opportunity to host some folks who - in the eyes of American society - don't have thier act together.  But really, who does?  

Loving the unloveable, serving the ungrateful, washing the dirty, feeding the hungry, comforting the broken - this is true hospitality.  This is where Jesus has me.  Big sigh.  After all, that is what HE has done for me.  Amen.

Not on my watch

Judges 2: 6-10
And when Joshua had dismissed the people, the children of Israel went each to his own inheritance to possess the land.  So the people served the Lord all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the Lord which He had done for Israel.  Now Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died when he was one hundred and ten years old.  When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel.

This is a crucial time in my life as I am home a lot with four little children.  Four very bright, impressionable, healthy young human beings with a future.  I must teach them to remember.  I must tell them about the wonderful works of the God who created them.  Do they know about the many miracles of the LORD?  Who is going to point them to the truth about who made them and how they are to respond to their Maker?

Daddy and Mamma. Tim and me.

This gives new breath to my soul as I am looking forward to full day at home with the kids.  I used to look at 'all day at home' days as a dread.  But now my perspective has changed because of this teaching task to which I have been assigned.  I feel inadequate, but I know that I've got a great 'teacher's manual' to guide me through this sizable job.  So no, I won't let them grow up without knowing about how GREAT GOD IS.  Not on my watch.  

She asked me for his name...

My little Benjamin and I were at Kroger the other day just putzin' around and filling up our buggy with the usual stuff.  I pushed the buggy to a checkout station that looked promisingly efficient so that meant that I could get my stuff paid for and out of there fast.  Well, that didn't happen and I am glad.  As I was standing there looking at the ridiculous tabloids that draw in my attention like a Death Star tractor beam Benjamin was wriggling his way out of that baby safety strap and working on standing up.  This sweet old lady behind me tapped my shoulder and said, "your baby is getting out of his seat".

Thank you, I said with an sheepishly embarrassed tone.

But I am glad I turned around because what I was about to experience was precious.

I picked up Benjamin from the buggy seat, brought him to my hip and started chatting with this sweet lady.  She looked like she was at least 75 or older and she was accompanied by a nice gal wearing scrubs.  Her smile was big and bright and her eyes were just locked into Benjamin.  She reached out her wrinkled old hands to squeeze Ben's fat feet and told me that I was 'very blessed'.

Indeed, I replied.

Then he did something that he has never done.  He reached both arms out to her.  He wanted to go to her just like he reaches for me when someone else is holding him.

Just when you thought her smile couldn't get any bigger, it did and she took him into her arms and held him close.  He even rested his sweet head down to her shoulder.  The moment was precious.

Now you have to know my Benjamin.  He is a MOMMA's boy!!!  He doesn't like it when others hold him.  He will usually let Tim hold him if I am not in the room. But the minute he sees me, he cries and reaches for me.  He won't stop crying until he is securely on my hip.  

So as she is holding B she asked me what his name is.

Benjamin.

Benjamin, she says with a smile as she automatically places one hand on his head.  Well, this sweet moment comes to an end and he reaches back for me and as he goes back to the hip I am whisked back to reality of the check out line.

We waved good-bye to that nice old lady and her helper and they waved back.  Bye -Bye, Benjamin, she said.

As we drove away I was replaying the whole experience in my mind and I suddenly realized that I had not asked her for her name.  I felt guilty about that.  You see when she asked for Benjamin's name, she acknowledged his value, his worth, his honor as a human being.  He has a name and it was carefully chosen for this boy.

We all have been given a name.  We all have value, worth and dignity.  We have a place. It means a lot when we call people by their name.  I hear people all the time say "I'm not very good with names"

I don't buy that.

I think we CAN be good with names.  People that have said that oh so familiar 'Im-not-very-good-with names' bit ARE good with names because they are people who truly love and value others.  I've seen it from them.

Asking someone what their name is, remembering it, and calling them by their name has immeasurable meaning.  I experienced it that day in Kroger.  I hope to see that sweet old lady again.  And when I do, I will ask her for her name.