If these walls could talk

As I sit here tonight, I am surrounded by boxes packed full with our stuff.  In my bedroom there are a few boxes at the very place where the bassinet used to be.  There is a box in the place where the small rocking chair used to be.  My babies Paul and Benjamin where brought home to this house and they laid in the bassinet that was right next to my side of the bed and next to that was the rocking chair.  Those were sweet days with my newborns.

How many times have I walked up and down that hallway during all hours of the day and night, heck in just one month's time let alone four years? Too many to count.

I arrived at this house on July 1, 2008.  Sight unseen.  In April 2008 Tim flew from Phx to Knox, picked out this house for us and bought it.  He came back to me in Phoenix with lots of pictures, but I don't remember seeing them.  Then in June, he left Phoenix for Knoxville and moved in with our stuff while I stayed in Phoenix for a few extra weeks.  I flew out to Knoxville with (at that time) our only children and my mother.  Tim picked us up at the airport and drove us here to where I am now.

I wish I could describe what was going on in my head when we drove down the street that lead me to the place I was to call home.  I was excited, apprehensive, nervous, curious.  But mostly, I was just going.  I knew that I was going to be okay.  I trusted Tim and I knew he was going to get something that we both liked.  So we drive up to the house and there it is..

JUST KIDDING!!!!

This is the best picture I could come up with.  We have better pictures, but they are on the desktop computer downstairs and I am using the laptop upstairs.

The house is banana pudding yellow and I could not have picked out a better place for us.  God most certainly had this house in mind for us when He brought us to Knoxville.

Here are some memories that come to mind...
Dinners on the deck, slip n slide in the yard, chatting in the yard with neighbors, seeing 'welcome baby Paul' and 'welcome baby Benjamin' signs on the front door, parties in the backyard, Eric and Amy learning to ride a two-wheel bike in the church parking lot, picking apples...

Oh that list can go on and on and on.  I am sad with this move, because although we are staying in town and our new home is only about 15 minutes away, I feel as though I am watching a close loved one die.  I guess I feel like that if I leave then house, then I will loose all of the precious memories made here.  These memories are of my children during the early years of thier lives.

I suppose it really doesn't matter what kind of shelter one has to house a family.  It's the family inside the shelter that matter.

That being said, I will hang on to the memories and bid farewell to the house.  Stay tuned for more tales from a new lane on 'Tales from Lavendar Lane'

The cute things they say

Loving these little years!!!  I love it this time.  I really do.  I want to savor these moments and tuck these memories into my mind so as never to be forgotten.  My children are just so precious and I am crazy about them.

They have been saying the cutest things lately and so here I am blogging about them to share with the world wide web.

Eric - "Hey Mom, when are we going to get and SURV?  We can put lots of stuff in it and go camping."
Me - "Don't you mean an SUV?"
Eric - "No Mom an SURV.  Like Eli and Austin have"
(These little boys come from a family that own a fifth wheel RV and thus take it on their family campouts)

Eric - "MOM!!!!!!! Paul is fast forwarding it backwards!" (translation: Paul was touching the rewind button on the DVD player)

Amy - "We have to wash our hair tonight because we went swimming in the pool and so we have to get all of the caffeine out"

Paul - (might I just say that Paul wins hands down for the cutest sayings.  Maybe because he is 3 or maybe because he is just super cute)
"Mommy, I want to be on the 'ready-watch-the-gate' team" (he says this while watching the Olympics)
"I winned.  You lose."
"Theres Yoba in yours phone" (explanation: I have a ringtone that is actually Yoda saying 'do or do not there is no try')
"Bye!  I'm going to college now.  I love you.  I'll call you when I'm at college"
Singing to the tune of Davy Crockett "Baby, baby crockett, king of the wild kratts tear"

Benjamin - "Dadadadadada"

As I sit here in my living room I look around and there are toys, shoes, pencils, clothes all over the floor.  All of this stuff has a home, but it is not in its proper place.  It is all over the counter tops and the floor.  Sigh. I suppose I should get up and clean up, but alas the motivation is not there.  Instead I am sitting, typing, reminiscing.

I just love to cradle their little faces in my hands and look deep into thier young eyes.  I am amazed that these human beings have a little bit of Tim and a little bit of me in them.

I'm going to blink and they will be in college.  And I sure do hope Paul will indeed call me!

Wishes do come true...

This is Amy on Main Street at Disney World Magic Kingdom about to give Pinoccio a high five.

Can I just say Disney World ROCKS!!! I had so much fun and so did the rest of us!

"I see Mickey Mouse" came from Paul every other minute.

It truly is a magical place... at least for me and my family. My children have seen many of the Disney movies like Peter Pan, Little Mermaid, etc. and then for them to actually SEE these characters in person and wave to them is breathtaking! I was looking at this whole experience from their perspective and it was awesome, speechless, exciting and on and on.

I just tried downloading other pictures and was having trouble, so I will attempt again later. Meanwhile, here are some Disney World tips

GO during the last week of January or first week of February! It was 77 degrees, sunny and not super crowded.

Bring a backpack with lots of snacks and drinks

Get the FAST PASS thingys. The longest we waited in line for anything was 15 minutes.

See the street shows and parades. It was so fun to see my kids' faces light up when the characters waved at them.

"She waved at me!!!" From an excited Amy and it was all I could do to not run out in the middle of the parade and thank Snow White for waving at my daughter. It made her day and mine!!

As cheesy as it may sound, wishes do come true at Disney World.

home made gak

Made gak today with older two kids. The idea of it is more fun than actually playing with it. Eric and Amy thought it was cool for about 5 mintues then put the stuff in zip top bags and went on their way. Here is the recipie anyway...

Solution A

4 tsp Borax

1 1/3 cup warm water

Solution B

1 cup water

1 cup glue (Elmer's school glue or the like)

food coloring

Mix up solution A in a bowl until borax is totally dissolved. Mix up Solution B in separate container. Slowly pour solution A into Solution B bowl and do not mix. With your hands gently mix until you have gak.

That's about it.

In other news, it is a little past midnight right now and I just came from my Precious Paul's room. He was crying out "mommy!" and he rarely does that so I went in to check on him. He was standing in his crib saying "hurt" so I picked him up and rocked him. I thought he went back to sleep so as I put him back in the crib he said again "hurt. finger. band aid." He LOVES band aids. Especailly Straberry Shortcake ones. so my first reaction was

It is midnight - and you don't need a band aid!! But Paul will be Paul and he kept repeating to my chagrin "hurt. finger. band aid. strawberry shortcake one."

At this point of the day, I value sleep over winning an argument with my two year old so I reluctantly went to the bathroom, flipped on the light and looked for the box of Strawberry Shortcake band aids. I put it on some random finger because no telling which one was truly "hurt" then he immediately laid down.

Strawberry shortcake band aids. Who woulda thunk

It's not about the house...

I am so tired I can hardly think straight. Why am I not in bed?! Weellll, that is because I have learned a valuable lesson and I just wanted to get it recorded and frankly, it is faster for me to type than to write in my journal that I have beside my bed.

So I hung Christmas lights today. I got out our huge ladder and hung the icicle Christmas lights from the roof to trim the house. I thought only men did that when I was growing up, but I am married to a busy doctor type so I have done a lot of things on my own, now add hanging Christmas lights to that list. I must say it looks good. Props to my neighbor Jared for helping when I had to stop to nurse Baby Benjamin. I just want my house to look 'Christmasy'. I want the inside to be clean, picked up and cutesy decorated. So I spend too much time away from the things that matter and put my mind to making my house look like a magazine home.

And then I hear a still, small voice inside my soul

It's not about your house

Moving on... which is what I did. Tomorrow my husband and I are going to a work Christmas party. It is at some super swanky, fancy, high class country club, the likes of which I am SO not classy enough for. So WHAT on EARTH am I going to wear!!!!?????? Do you realize that I am 5 weeks post partum? The only thing Christmas partyish about this body is my mid section because it resembles that of Santa's. It shakes when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly. Core muscles - What are they? I want to look nice and not be an embarrassment to my husband, but when am I going to get out and shop for something suitable to wear?

Yesterday Tim got off early (2:30pm) and came on home! He graciously offered to be in charge of the kids whilst I go search the stores for a dress, a bra that fits (this by the way is VERY key), some shoes and some jewels. Here was the plan - and I was getting rather excited I might add. He would get home, I would nurse the baby, make sure all was set with the other kids then leave. Well, that did not happen. Some pals from Tim's work were going to happy hour at a local hang out and they invited Tim. He went (with my blessing, yes) with the intention to build relationships with these guys and share Christ with them. I would shop later. The malls are open until 11pm and I could go later on and let him do bed time with kids (even better ;-). Hours later he called asking me to pray for the guy that he was hanging out with. We didn't speak long. Just long enough to say that this guy was going through a tough time and Tim wanted to minister to him and be a witness for Jesus.

I totally faked cheerfulness. He profusely apologized and I faked a cheery disposition as I told him that I was proud of him for being Christ's witness to this lost soul and that I would pray for their conversation. Totally faked it. I hung up and I cried. I was so disappointed because I REALLY wanted to go shopping.

And then I hear a still, small voice inside my soul

It's not about your clothes

So, here I am. After a few very, very long single mom days I sit and I am ready to listen to this still, small voice.

It is about glorifying Me.

"Consider the lilies of the field. Yet, Solomon in all his glory was not clothed as such as these. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added"

Big sigh. It's not about my house. It's not about what I wear. So I sit here, asking for His forgiveness, earnestly praying for Tim and this guy that he really wants to help, and choosing to look past the messy house and jelly belly to the everlasting reality of God's love.

For I so Loved this world, that I sent my one and only SON [as a humble tiny baby] that whosoever believe in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

"That's what Christmas is all about, Tara McIlrath"

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

For months I have been feeling this baby inside of me kicking, rolling, squirming and on and on. So the anticipation of his arrival was indeed great because I really wanted to get to know this child who for so long was so busy! His official due date was October 18, but according to my past history of childbearing that does not mean that the delivery will occur on or anywhere near that date.

All of my older three were 11 days overdue.

So October 18 comes and goes. Then October 25 comes and goes and I am still pregnant. Knowing that this baby is probably well over 9 lbs and fully formed, I decided to enact the plan... I drank castor oil. YUCK! and double YUCK! So I downed that nasty stuff at 2 in the afternoon and then about 6ish that evening it started taking effect (it is a laxative). Well, the evening progresses, but my contractions do not so we all go to bed.

About 2AM I wake up to some pretty good contractions and journey up and down the hallway from the bathroom to the kitchen. "THis is IT" I know it is time, so I call the doctor, wake my husband and mom and call the neighbor who is going to come and watch the kids for us while we are gone.

But fear grips me. A deep overwhelming fear that takes over my whole body and intensifies my contractions like nothing I've felt before. "This is too good to be true" or "I have three healthy babies, this one has to have something wrong with it" or "there was something wrong with the ultrasound and it didn't show a major defect that this baby has".

I could go on. I began to pace the floors as I heard Tim turn on the shower. Just as he was getting out, I decided to jump in and boy am I glad I did. It was as if God was washing all of that fear off. The hot water relaxed my body and my spirit so that the fear was no longer an issue in me, but rushing down the drain with the rest of the water.

So we pack up the car and away to UT we go. Upon arrival we are greeted by my doctor and get the IV of antibiotics going. Well the contractions practically stopped. BUMMER! I was about 4-5 cm dialated and about 60% effaced.

So that was 3:30am and then we just hung out until 9am when she came back to break my water. I thought for sure I would have the baby two hours later. Two hours later came and went and still no baby. Started me on pitocin and that kicked in some, but not enough. Kicked up the dosage of pit a few times and by 1pm the contractions were getting good and close.

FINALLY, at 1:30pm, after being at the hospital for 10 hours I was complete and ready to push. You must understand that I was at the hospital for three hours before I had Eric, one hour before I had Amy and 10 minutes for Paul. This long labor was not something I was prepared for and I was tired.

Pushed for 30 minutes and it was the worst 30 minutes of my entire life...yet the best. At the end of it all I welcomed a precious life into my arms.

Turns out he was sunny side up, meaning his head and body were facing up which makes for a more difficult delivery.

Oh those few moments of agony was indeed the worst pain I have EVER experienced in my life, but it brought out the best little Benjamin boy you ever did see.

Welcome to the world Benjamin Miller McIlrath 9lbs 2oz! So glad you are here!

Siblings

Yesterday morning before church Paul and Eric were running around the house laughing and playing with each other. Eric would hide and Paul would run after him to find him then both would squeal and laugh at the sight of each other prompting Eric to run somewhere else and the start all over again.

Meanwhile, Amy was with me in the bathroom doing hair and make up. Who knew!?! Just last summer we would have major battle drama when it came to hair and getting her somewhat groomed. Now she not only wants to see what I am doing, but groom herself to the utmost.

Well, back to the brothers...they just loved running around and bumping into each other then running away from each other only to rejoice in the moment of seeing the other's face just seconds later.

Later that day a few neighbor boys came over to play. Our backyard becomes a local hangout for these boys. The 9 year old boy has one 14 year old sister and the 5 year old boy has an 18 month old sister. So these boys aren't used to having siblings close in age which lends itself to the normal day in day out of wrestling, tugging at each other for space in momma's lap, and other stuff that sibs close in age have to deal with. The two neighbor boys were a little annoyed with Eric and Amy taunting them with a plastic shovel. So the 9 year old comes and tattles to me while I see that my kids have learned to deal with the annoyance.

As I observed their play, I suddenly became aware that I missed my brother and sister. My brother is about to celebrate his 34th birthday in a few days. My little brother - 34! We are 22 months apart and we were playmates oh so many years ago. I am thankful for my brother. We had some fun times together and for that I am truly grateful. Wish we could see each other more often.

My sister and I talk more often and I learn so much from here. Even though she is 5 years younger, she has enriched my life more than she'll ever know.

Siblings. I love them and I am thankful for them. Yes, I say that now that I am a grown up and not fussing over who cheated at Monopoly. At any rate, I love you Bradley! I love you, Kristin and I sincerely thank God for making us sibs!!