me and my three

Life is nutty to say the least.  The transition from two kids to three is still going on, but I am seeing a bright light at the end of what seemed to be a very dim tunnel.  It is precious to just sit back and watch my Eric (almost 4) and my little Amy (2) smother their brother with all the love they can give.  Amy just can't kiss him enough and Eric now wants to hold him over his shoulder just like how I hold the baby.  I do think it is especially cute when Amy announces to me "Mommy, Baby crying" as I am holding him in my arms.  It is usually at this point that Eric reminds me that "Mommy, Baby needs milk". 

Thanks guys.

Amy usually is the first one up and now that she is in her big girl bed, she walks straight into my room and we snuggle for a few minutes before Eric comes in.  Once he is up, there is a party in my bed with the two olders, Baby Paul and me.  From this moment until bedtime, I am closely followed by Eric and Amy.  Seriously, they do not even know they are doing it, but they follow me from room to room ALL DAY LONG.  We might be playing in the playroom and I have to go to the bathroom, so I stand ever so inconspicuously and quietly make my way to the solace of my bathroom.  Well, there is one brief moment of solace, then these two cute little offspring of mine unconsciously make their way to my room and talk to me while I just want a moment to myself for crying out loud!  

Meanwhile, Baby Paul starts squirming in his sleep letting me know he is getting hungrier by the second.  So, I pick him up and get settled into a comfortable nursing position when I here, "Mommy, I haffa  go pee pee potty"  

Great.

So do I delatch the hungry baby or do I try to take my daughter's big girl panties off with one hand while trying to keep my starving newborn attached to my boob with the other.  It is usually the latter.  I sit on the side of the tub, pull Amy's pants off and with a one-handed grunt heave her up on the toilet trying my hardest to keep the peace with Baby Paul.   

All too soon, I will look back and these days and long for them so I am trying to have an attitude of gratitude for these challenging moments.  Yes, life is nutty, but at least the nuttyness is sweet.

Welcome to the family little one

Paul Kelly McIlrath came into the world at 8:10am on Wednesday, July 1, 2009.  Weighing in at a teeny 8 pounds 5 ounces, he is the smallest of the McIlrath infants, yet he has proved true in keeping with tradition in that he, like his brother and sister before him, was 11 days overdue.  The journey from the due date (June 20) to his birthday was quite a mentally tumultuous one for me, nevertheless, I learned so much from that time and I am glad to have gone through it, but I am more glad to have that baby out and in my arms.  

I was looking back to a photo taken on the day of Amy's birth.  I was truly thrilled and never been happier.  I was ready to be a mother of two small children and I felt confident that I could do it!   Well, there is a similar picture of me with my two older kids and baby Paul and that confidence is no more.  I look at Eric and Amy and the baby and I think "how can I be a great mother to these precious ones and give them all that I want to give and more".  

I am honored to be the mother of this precious life Paul and I am so excited to watch him grow and learn.  I no longer have that "I can do this on my own" mentality, but I am definitely learning what it means to be at the end of myself and rely on a power greater than my own.  

They that wait upon the Lord will gain new strength!  I will have new strength from the One who gave us this precious one to raise and love.  

To my precious Paul Kelly,  

I love you and I could not imagine life without you.  You are a treasure far beyond words.

Love, 

Momma

He is RISEN Indeed!

Today is Resurrection Sunday.  IT is a joyous day indeed and the season leading up to it has been interesting.  This whole Lenten season has been a different one for me.  I started out thinking that I would fast from a certain type of food and alas, I did not.  When I did end up eating what it was I wanted to fast from, I felt like a big loser and definitely not honoring God.  The whole reason for lent, in my simple opinion, is to remember Christ in His 40 days through the wilderness.  During those 40 days he prayed, fasted and was totally alone.  I doubt I will ever spend 40 days by myself fasting and praying so why in the world is it so hard for me to go without a simple 'creature comfort' of this day in age for a few weeks?!  It is so very important to set aside time to remember the works of the Lord.  He commanded the Jews to celebrate Passover every year to specifically remember and teach the young ones about God delivering His people out of Egyptian slavery.  God commands us to remember and teach.  So having that in my mind, and having a three year old boy who is beginning to comprehend Biblical stories, I REALLY wanted to make this Easter season more purposeful.  So, I tried to be consistent about reading Bible stories each morning as we ate our breakfast and I wanted to be diligent about explaining 'new life' as we see all of the blooms around us.  On Friday, showed Eric the pictures of Jesus coming into Jerusalem on a donkey with people waving palms and then being crucified and finally being alive in the presence of his friends the disciples.  Honestly, I do not think he got much out of it.  However, I got a lot out of it.  Maybe that is why God commanded us to remember and teach the younger ones.  Not so much for their benefit, but for ours.  Friday was a gloomy rainy day and were inside for most of it.  I read a few devotionals and reflected on my own sin and the reality that I am trapped inside of it.  Then today, Easter Sunday, the sun was shining and the weather clear.  The reality that the One who knew NO sin, became sin for me and now I am not trapped.  I am free.  

So when the tears began to well up in my eyes as we sang out in church this morning, I just let them fall down my cheeks.  I rejoiced at the words spoken from the pastor.  I am so thankful for this specific time to reflect, remember and teach about this the MOST AWESOME event in all of history.  We got home and before everyone stripped off their Easter duds we managed to take a couple of decent pictures.  

The LORD is RISEN.  The LORD is RISEN indeed!!! Hallelujah!  

Just Like Daddy

This picture was taken in March on a little family outing we went on to the Greenbrier community of the Smoky Mountains.  Both Eric and Tim had their hats on and coats and had fun crossing the stream on the log bridge.  As Eric gets older he is definitely less interested in hanging out with Mommy if Daddy is anywhere around.  Why just the other day when Tim was studying downstairs, Eric just meandered on down there to hang out with him.  He didn't play with toys or bother Tim, he was just sitting on the couch next to him.  Eventually, he started playing with the blanket and covering himself with it, all the while not talking to Daddy or bothering him.  It was obvious he just wanted to be with him.  

I hope Eric grows up to be just like Daddy.  Tim is such a fine man and I have an enormous amount of respect for him. He works so hard, is so loyal and faithful in even the smallest of details and in the core of his heart there is the pure intent to follow Christ with everything he is.  Tim takes time to teach Eric soccer and to go play with him.  This is the field behind our house and I took

this picture from our back deck so it may be a little fuzzy, but you get the idea.  I want Eric to learn what Daddy knows about teamwork, finishing a job until it is done well and how to cope well under any circumstance.  I can get caught up in worrying about his future and hoping that he doesn't get caught up in worldly stuff, but then I am reminded to live each day in its fullest and not to worry about tomorrow.  

Just like Daddy.  What a joy and a privilege it is for me to have a man like this as the father of our children.  Yes indeed, I do hope Eric grows up to be just like Daddy. 

My very precious girl...

Today it was just the two of us

a rare and precious gift

I watched her jump and run and laugh

then to my arms for a lift

She lead my hand through the grass

and though only a few feet away

Her frame was fuzzy and out of focus 

as wet tears did blur my gaze

How I love this precious girl

she brings me joy inexpressible

her curls, her smile, her life

blessings only far too incredible

a toddler she is, a feisty one

yet all too soon I know

The moon will rise and then the sun 

and she will be full grown

but today I'll wrap her in my arms

and press my cheek to hers

never ceasing

to thank my God for this 

very precious girl

Christmas time is here

I love this picture because I think it represents my two children perfectly. Eric doing the non-prompted-by-mommy Vanna White thing because he is just so proud of his masterpiece. He likes to work on all kinds of stuff and be good at whatever he does. Be it kicking a soccer ball, jumping on the trampoline or putting a gingerbread house together. He has to do it well. Like father like son. Amy, on the other hand, wants in on all the action, but may not want to spend the time it takes to get the job done right. Here she is, giving us her quintessential pirate smile as we like to call it, and making her presence known. Nevertheless, she didn't do much but eat the candy when it came to assembling this gingerbread house.

Life here in Knoxville is fun. We are enjoying the Christmas season and all things Christmas here in K-town. The day after Thanksgiving we went downtown to go ice skating at this temporary ice rink in the middle of the square. Eric REALLY wanted to go and since Tim doesn't ice skate

and I am pregnant, it was decided that I would go and take our 42 pound son on the cold, slippery rink of fun! Seriously, I did want to go and we had fun. NOt one fall, either!

In just a few short weeks, this ice rink will be torn down and remain down unitl next year's holiday season. So we are taking advantage of all there is to do and see around town. Being the new kids in town, we are wide-eyed awed with pretty much everything we experience. Yes, being a 'foreigner' has its perks. Nevertheless, I do miss Christmas time stuff in Phoenix - believe it or not. I miss the lights on the houses. People here just don't do the crazy lights on the houses thing. They may put out a wreath, but that is about it. Simple is good, I remind myself, and just because someone doesn't put up 10,000 strings of tacky lights all over thier house does not mean they have any less Christmas spirit.

Tara, Tara (as I hear Jesus say) it isn't about what my house looks like or what kind of food I prepare, it is about sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to what HE has to say. This time is about preparing for the coming of a KING. Women who are pregnant anticipate the coming of their babies by preparing a nursery, buying or making clothes and blankets, taking care of their bodies, reading books, resting while feeling the baby kick inside of them. How must I prepare for this baby Jesus? What should I do to prepare room for HIM? I must stop and rest and feel His kicking, for He is alive and coming again.

"Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God."

I hope this Christmas season is about connecting more with Christ Jesus. I pray that you, too will stop to rest and 'feel His kicking' as you anticipate the arrival of this King of Kings.

Musings of a parent who doesn't know what she is doing

"You are my best friend"

Eric said that to me the other day when I was buckling him into his carseat. He was so sincere and the sweet look that was on his face when he said that was precious. I treasure these times as a parent. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, I think he just wanted to tell me his thoughts.

A few days later I would not let him get his way, and I dont think he saw me in quite the same light. Somedays I am a friend to him, somedays I am more "not very fun".

Parenting is quite a challenge and to those of us who really care and want to do right by our kids feel like we are failing miserably. We read books and listen to the tapes and when it seems like we get into sort of a rhythm, the floor falls out from under us and we have to totally reassess and remind ourselves that we have no idea of what we are doing. Well, at least that is what I do. Then I am reminded of The Perfect Parent. "I leave you My Peace which passes all understanding" "I am not a God of confusion, but of peace", "I will never leave you or forsake you." God our heavenly Father may not keep us from trials, but He does promise that He will be with us through them all.

The other day when Eric was kicking and screaming in Target, no less, and I did not know what to do or how to handle the situation, I just took a deep breath and prayed, "Lord, please give me the wisdom and peace to walk through this moment". Then lightning came down and wrote a magnificent solution on the wall and Eric instantly corrected his behaviour!!! Well, not exactly. I did have the assurance that I was not alone and when I look to the mountains...where does my help come from... it comes from the Lord. I will receive help from Him.

I rest assured that although I will make big parenting blunders, I know that God is big enough to spare my children from my humanness and build them up to be great men and women nonetheless.

Sometimes Eric kicks and screams in Target or the grocery store and my blood pressure rises and then sometimes he tells me that I am his best friend and my heart expands to overflowing.